whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
