She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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