You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
