I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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