why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
