im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
