I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize