Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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