my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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