I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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