so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
PANTIES FOUND
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