nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
