I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
