Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
