I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She bit a glass in half.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess