Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house