We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
