if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
