I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My penis needs a shock collar
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
