While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
