I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
