Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
