I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize