I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Do vagina's smell?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
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My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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