I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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