It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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