I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
