Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
