We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
