I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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