never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
