Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
