from now on my penis is your penis
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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