My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
