Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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