upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
