so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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