so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
