they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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