I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
