i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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