Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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