Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
