last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
