He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
