Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
