chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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