Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
