Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
