I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
