please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
