God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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