I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
40s are totally the cure
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
