i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
