Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
