yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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