So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fuck appropriateness.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
