Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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