Porn is love you can see.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
