Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
