I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
