dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
