is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
