last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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