I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
