If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
