I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
