my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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