We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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