Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
