Cold hands, warm shart.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
