Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
